Strained Contingency

Those ARE happy tears aren’t they!?

I’ve only just realised how negative I sound on here… I’m not always like that, especially in real life. I guess I just get the urge to write when I’m frustrated?

But anyway, I’ve been feeling really confused lately. It’s not confused in the sense that I don’t know what to do, but I’m more confused about my feelings. I can’t seem to identify specific feelings towards something; my mind is constantly rearranging itself and navigating conflicting thoughts. It not like I’m confused towards anything in particular either… I just feel confused in general. But even that doesn’t make much sense… Confusing, no?

I think I’m still in denial about the fact that school finishes in four days. I can’t seem to fathom the idea of me in a graduation gown, the thought of which is just too perplexing considering some of the crap I’ve gone through. Even though throughout the past week I’ve been running around all over the place gathering documents and finalising procedures, it feels like I’ve been on autopilot. Things are wrapping up and it’s just not registering.

While considering universities, I’ve always said that I’d move either up the coast or down the coast because ‘I hate Sydney’. I’m not so sure how smart a career move this will be when trying to find work after uni however. The very thought of moving all the way out to Newcastle scares me. And that’s not because I’m scared of leaving home or whatever, I’m more frightened of the thought that after spending 3 years doing a course up there, I wouldn’t want to move back to this shit hole, also known as Sydney. And let’s face it, would Sydney really be the same without me? haha. I suppose this city isn’t all bad though, it just depends on which area you live in… and how much you like air pollution.

Oh and just a warning, if anyone’s planning on crying at graduation, be prepared to receive a slap from yours truly. Only tears of happiness will be excused, and even still, I better be able to see smiley faces on each individual tear… Don’t make me use my backhand!

posted by Ria @ 10:20 pm Comments: 2