Those ARE happy tears aren’t they!?
I’ve only just realised how negative I sound on here… I’m not always like that, especially in real life. I guess I just get the urge to write when I’m frustrated?
But anyway, I’ve been feeling really confused lately. It’s not confused in the sense that I don’t know what to do, but I’m more confused about my feelings. I can’t seem to identify specific feelings towards something; my mind is constantly rearranging itself and navigating conflicting thoughts. It not like I’m confused towards anything in particular either… I just feel confused in general. But even that doesn’t make much sense… Confusing, no?
I think I’m still in denial about the fact that school finishes in four days. I can’t seem to fathom the idea of me in a graduation gown, the thought of which is just too perplexing considering some of the crap I’ve gone through. Even though throughout the past week I’ve been running around all over the place gathering documents and finalising procedures, it feels like I’ve been on autopilot. Things are wrapping up and it’s just not registering.
While considering universities, I’ve always said that I’d move either up the coast or down the coast because ‘I hate Sydney’. I’m not so sure how smart a career move this will be when trying to find work after uni however. The very thought of moving all the way out to Newcastle scares me. And that’s not because I’m scared of leaving home or whatever, I’m more frightened of the thought that after spending 3 years doing a course up there, I wouldn’t want to move back to this shit hole, also known as Sydney. And let’s face it, would Sydney really be the same without me? haha. I suppose this city isn’t all bad though, it just depends on which area you live in… and how much you like air pollution.
Oh and just a warning, if anyone’s planning on crying at graduation, be prepared to receive a slap from yours truly. Only tears of happiness will be excused, and even still, I better be able to see smiley faces on each individual tear… Don’t make me use my backhand!
Sustagen...oh really?
I am absolutely in love with two songs at the moment, ‘Come Pick Me Up’ by Ryan Adams and ‘I Will Follow You Into The Dark’ by Death Cab For Cutie. I must resist the urge to hit the repeat button though, or I’ll soon be very much over them. The melodies are just so soothing and relaxing, props on the mixed ‘tape’ Cassie!
It looks like I’m back on Sustagen again… I have to take it daily with a multivitamin. Doc wasn’t too pleased that I stopped taking it last time, so I should really try and stick with it… but it just tastes so bad. I know I’ll have to take it though, or I’ll end up in hospital again like last year. Boo for Sustagen!
We got a letter today from overseas, it’s from my aunty. Mum sent her a letter about two weeks ago, but seeing as we haven’t been able to get into contact with mum’s side of the family for around three years now, seeing the airmail envelope in our letterbox was pretty awesome. Mum was getting all teary when she was reading the letter and seeing as it’s in another language that I’m pretty hopeless at, she read it to me. Good God! I started bawling my eyes out just listening to it. It was just so heartbreaking, but I won’t go into the details of my family situation. Turns out though, that mum is now a grandmother… which, I guess makes me an aunty… at least on some level.
So this year instead of going up the coast like we usually do, we’ll be heading overseas to visit the family. It’s gonna be pretty cool and it’s no big loss anyway, I’ve already been up the coast this year. It is pretty funny up there though, we’ve been going to the same spot up the coast ever since I can remember. Haha I just thought of the time when I was 14 and brought with me my best friend at the time. One night we were planning to go to the beach party, but being 14, my rents still had a bit of a leash on me. Here’s just a snippet from the night LOL
Here we are walking down the river side:
Friend: We can’t just rock up without any alcohol
Me: Yeah you’re right… (I take a look around and spot some randoms) Let’s ask that guy!
Friend: You reckon he would?
Me: Yeah he looks a bit tipsy, he might
Friend: Well we’ll ask….and if he says no… I’ll just like give him a hug or something
Me: Ewww, are you serio…. wait, yeah no that’d probably work
Ten minutes and a hug later, we had scored ourselves two 4packs of pineapple cruisers. When we got back to the place we were staying, we both cracked one open as we got ready for the party. I’d almost finished mine when my mum sprung into the room…
Mum: -looks at me, looks at what I’m holding-
Me: -finally realise that I shouldn’t be holding what I’m holding and put it behind my back- (lol, I’m such a dumbass)
Mum: What’s that?
Me: What are you talking about?
Mum: Oh come on
Me: -I pull the drink out and let her inspect it-
Mum: Where’d you get that?
Me: From next door
Mum: Next door is the fish and chip shop…
Me: Yeah, that’s where I got it
Mum: So let me get this straight… They sold YOU alcohol at the FISH and CHIP shop?
Me: What? This is alcohol? No wonder why I feel fuzzy… I thought it was pineapple Fanta! Those bastards!
Ahh haha good times, good times. If anyone knew me and my friend back then, they probably found what I just wrote hilarious. And if you didn’t, oh well…you can just call me ‘notfunny’.
Is he doing what I think he’s doing?
Maybe I should consider a new way of getting to school everyday… Thursday I spent 25 minutes trying to save this old man’s Jack Russel. That crazy ass dog would not give up. So here I am running across the main road after this tiny little dog, with all these angry drivers beeping at me…meh, fun times. By the time I got to school, I was late, covered in fur and smelt like dog for the rest of the day.
But you know, compared to Friday, Thursday was a walk in the park! I skipped first period, so it was about 9:45 when I was making my way to school. I noticed this car that kept driving past, I didn’t think much of it at the time but when I went down one of the side streets, the car was parked there, a few metres in front of me. When the guy saw me, he drove up another 25 metres or so, stopped the car and ran out. I just assumed he was lost or something and finally found where he was meant to be… boy was I wrong! The sick fuck was facing me, up on a ledge and pulling himself off, pants down, the whole thing. WHO DOES THAT!? It’s too bad I didn’t even notice him until he was 2 metres away from me. I saw some other girls from school up on the main road, so I just sped up and caught up to them. He drove past me again about 5 minutes later.
I was telling a few of the girls at school about the nutcase, when Mr E overheard. He made me tell him the story, he then marched me up to Hatton’s office, who then proceeded to call the cops. The cops were treating the situation very seriously and came to the school to interview me etc. And now everyone’s all freaked out, not wanting me to walk to school anymore or be alone, checking if the incident hasn’t *damaged* me, and telling me how lucky I was that I wasn’t attacked. Dad seems to think I have some stalker or that it’s linked to the guy that called me everyday for like 2 months until we got the authorities involved. I dunno guys; I just think it’s being made into a bigger deal than what it is…
Anyway, the cops said that there was another incident in a nearby suburb; they’re going to follow up both stories and may need me to identify the guy and/or compose a face for them.
But I’m fine. Seriously, I’m more worried about having to go to work tomorrow than this haha.
So, what’s under your tent?
I should never, ever be allowed to watch ‘Castaway’ again. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if it’s the movie, but every time I watch the damn thing I become an emotional wreck. Judging by today’s efforts it’s probably just me though. I stayed home today and only had crappy daytime TV to comfort me. I was bumming around the house when a movie called ‘The Other Sister’ or something to that effect, came on. Dear god, I was bawling my eyes out. And this isn’t the first time, they should put a notice up in Blockbuster, banning me from borrowing any movies that fall into the ‘drama’ section. I sincerely feel sorry for anyone that has had to endure watching a sad (and sometimes happy) movie in my presence.
I graduate in four weeks. That’s both exciting and scary at the same time. I still don’t really understand the point of having graduation BEFORE the final exams though…it’s not like we’ll actually be able to start celebrating until another six weeks after the ceremony. I still have to shop for something to wear; though I don’t even know what the dress code is. I was under the impression that the black tent-like robe would just cover me all up and I wouldn’t really have to worry about it, apparently I’m wrong and the robe is actually more of a jacket type thing.
Oh I can feel it already; it’s going to be a last minute job. What the hell does one even wear to a graduation? I probably should have gone shopping with Cas and Liz this afternoon, but no, I was too busy doing absolutely nothing.
